chronic pain college Archives - Minnesota Physical Medicine Blog

(Below is Part 3 of a four-part series on chronic pain in high school and college. It was penned by a college student who has dealt with chronic pain throughout her academic career. The four-part series will cover four important aspects of college life – Academics, Dating, Employment and Social Life. Here’s Part 3 on how balancing a relationship and chronic pain can sometimes be overwhelming. Click these links for Part 1 and Part 2.

Chronic Pain and Dating

If you want to be in a relationship, you can. I’m not going to say it won’t be complicated at times, but you are still a human being and can enjoy being in a relationship. Some common concerns and reasons to justify avoiding relationships include worries about “burdening others with your health,” worrying about how your pain can affect the time and things you can comfortably do with your partner, and that you won’t be able to enjoy a relationship when your health isn’t stable.

I’ve thought one or more of these things at different points of my life (before, during, and after relationships), I’ve even used my health as a reason to end a relationship, but I’d also like to point out the many good parts about relationships and why you shouldn’t dismiss a relationship opportunity for the “what-if” fears associated with your health. If someone you like asks you out, I would suggest you give it a try before saying no. You’ll never know what you can or cannot do in life unless you try it. Also, don’t assume any two people or relationships are the same. People grow and change throughout life, and as such relationships are and will be different.

Being Honest About Your Pain

Honesty is EXTREMELY important in ALL concerns you may have about how to handle a relationship with at least one individual with chronic pain. Whenever I’ve been in a relationship, the person I’ve dated either knew before or relatively early on that I had back pain. I’ve often thought of my pain as a “burden to others,” but the more people I meet, the more faith I have in humanity and less I think like this. My friends, family, and those I’ve dated have all told me they are there for me whenever I need them, I’m not a burden, and they want to be there for me through the difficult times.

Because I’ve met enough people like this, I believe there is a person of this belief out there for you as well. I made sure to make it clear that I have good and bad days and sometimes that can affect what I’m up for doing (whether that is school, homework, work, or dates). Being open about how you feel when you’re with your significant other can help avoid hurt feelings if there is a time that it would be uncomfortable to go bowling or cuddle or whatever it is. Honesty early on can also allow your date to leave a relationship early on if they can’t handle being in a relationship with someone with health problems. For a different spin on things – you can consider your health as your “baggage.” After all, everyone brings something into a relationship that can complicate things, and there is no shame or avoiding it, so accept it, be honest, and move forward.

Find Support

If you have chronic pain, you will know the strength you need to get through the day. It takes a similar strength to be supportive to someone else in pain, but life is easier when you are with someone who is supportive. Personally, I often find distraction as a great pain-reduction technique; so being with others (even while in intense pain) can actually be helpful. Whether I’m with a group of good friends or with a significant other hanging out, allowing my mind to be on living and enjoying what’s going on in the present has helped me get through some tough times. There are also times that my pain can prevent me from leaving my room. Knowing this about myself has allowed me to enter a relationship, inform my partner, and maintain that communication in the event plans need to change last minute. Nurturing—maybe it’s simply helping others—is an archetypal part of human nature. Professors, friends, family, and significant others are generally helpful and will look for ways to help you through whatever you are dealing with if you share what’s going on. People will be there, don’t ever feel like you have to get through everything by yourself, there is no reason to make yourself do that.

I’m guessing the next biggest problem many young adults with chronic pain worry about in relationships is being physically close with others. I know I’ve struggled with this before. I have times that whatever position I’m in, I’m in pain, or times that my body is painful without even being touched. I’d be lying if I said I’ve never been uncomfortable when hanging out with a significant other. However, I have also learned that being honest and setting those boundaries or voicing when you can or can’t or don’t want to do something (whatever the reason) is always the better route. If your significant other truly cares about you, they will understand (they may be disappointed), but they would rather look out for your health, safety, and well being than satisfy a momentary pleasure. In today’s pleasure-seeking culture, maybe this sounds outrageous, but I still think many people that are in relationships (rather than one-night-stands) are people that do care about people in a long-term way rather than just the present. When you’re in a lot of pain, it can be hard to think of the times you aren’t in pain, or think of all the good things and fun things you can do with friends or significant others.

Part 4 will be published early next week.

Having chronic pain problems as a college student sucks. There are multiple problems and too many compromises that need to be made. You can’t just live a normal life, and the ability to be spontaneous does not easily happen. Everything is affected, from the living situation, to study habits and working with groups and exam schedules can be a problem. Name the situation, and it may be a problem, especially if you just want to be normal.

Chronic Pain in College

No day is typical, and just starting the day may be a problem. Waking up in the morning is often very painful. First, one may not have slept very well because pain kept waking you up at night, or it was extremely restless. Then one is sore and you need to start stretching and doing some morning exercises just to get moving. There is no last minute rolling out of bed and running off to class, you just can’t move fast without the morning routine.

Once you are at class, most lecture rooms and other classrooms have bad stadium seats or very uncomfortable chairs without any back support. Sitting in these chairs worsens the back and neck pain, and trying to take notes and concentrate is an effort. If you are lucky, they may provide a special chair to sit in, but good luck at getting the right seating in every classroom. It is also weird when you need to get up for a minute, stand in the back of the room and stretch to help relieve the pain. Lastly, making to the professor’s office hours when you are in pain is an added burden. Then you may also need to explain the need for accommodations due to your situation, adding again more stress to the pain.

As the day goes on, your back and neck may start to hurt more. Standing, stretching or walking around may not help and the best option for your back may be to lie down. Well, there are not many places to rest and lay down on campus.

After you made it through your classes, then there is the homework, group projects, and social life. Studying may be a challenge at times due to back pain and fatigue. Concentration is reduced by pain and more breaks are needed. Planning ahead is essential and leaving stuff to the last minute does not work since you may be having a bad day with pain at the wrong time. Further stress will worsen the pain, lower the concentration ability, and it definitely increases as deadlines for tests and big projects near. The group projects for some classes also are often a problem, you have to ignore your pain needs often to match the schedules of everyone else in the group, and at the end of the day, you may be just about in tears since you hurt so much and you still have a ton of stuff to get done.

Chronic Pain and Your Social Life

A big part of college is developing oneself in a new social environment. One wants to be just like everyone else, carefree and happy. When you are sleep deprived from pain, stressed out, and uncomfortable sitting in most chairs or standing long times, participating in social activities is tough. Ignoring the pain works at times, but sometimes it comes back to bite you and you are down for the count for several days because you did too much. Normal kids do all those things without a problem, for you it can be a nightmare, and you are physically sick for a week afterward.

There is no secret solution for having success as a college student when having chronic pain. It is a constant effort to be your best, and keep moving forward. Those who do manage this tight rope act are some of the toughest, smartest and grittiest kids imaginable. It takes a huge amount of effort, often alone and without good medical guidance. There are very few doctors who understand the challenges and can adequately help find the additional resources to ease some of the problems. Furthermore, there are few resources and pain treatments that make a difference for many young adults. The struggle is very real, and the problems of living with chronic pain just sucks.